Bonk’s Revenge

A review of Bonk’s Revenge, a game originally made for the TurboGrafx 16 in 1991.

Childhood nostalgia

Not everyone has a childhood video game, but it’s common enough trait for those of us who grew up after the 80s that it’s become a cultural cliché. Bonk’s Revenge was mine. I owned the original and this sequel, but Revenge imprinted on me, probably due to it being a little easier to control and delivering a much brighter colour palette.

Bonk is a Mario-like platformer positioned in the same was Mario was: a mascot to make this video game system something a kid would want their parents to buy. You traverse to the right, finish levels, find power-ups, defeat enemies and bosses, and eventually save[1] a princess.

It’s fun, pretty breezy for most of it, colourful, kid-friendly, and memorable. It takes the average player two hours to beat it. Much like the TurboGrafx 16, it’s barely remembered. I think there’s a reason for that beyond bad marketing, though.

Controls

With most mascot platformers, there’s a proper noun, and a verb. Mario jumps. Sonic spins. With Bonk, the character and the action are not two things. Bonk bonks.

The instruction book calls this action a headbutt. But, dear reader, please understand: it is a bonk. The game, in at least one mini-game, instructs you to defeat enemies by bonking. This is the correct word.

In Bonk games, there’s two actions. You can jump, and you can bonk. Pressing the bonk button while just standing there makes Bonk bonk. If there’s an enemy right in front of him, they’ll die. That’s simple enough. Hit the jump button, then hit the bonk button, and Bonk dives in the direction you push the controller. Now you’re using both hands, setting up and guiding an attack.

Hit the bonk button once in the air, and Bonk dives head-first into anything you point him at. If it’s an enemy, they usually die. But when they die, Bonk ricochets off the enemy, gaining height. You determine the direction Bonk ricochets by determining his initial direction. It works really well and feels really good, but this takes time to get used to.

But the TurboGrafx 16 controller didn’t just have buttons. It also had switches. There were two buttons and two switches, and the switches had three notches each. In the instruction book, it says “Experiment with the turbo switches. Different settings will help you out at different points in the game.” This is pretty obtuse! This is not a design people are just going to get.

If the switch is flicked down, the button will press once. If the switch is flicked to the middle, the button will press repeatedly about as fast as a human and repeatedly press the button. If the switch is flicked all the way up, the button will press repeatedly faster than most humans can repeatedly press a button.

Most of the time you need the switch flicked all the way down so pressing the bonk button while midair makes Bonk dive. If you jump at a wall and hit the bonk button, Bonk performs a wall jump. There’s a lot of goodies and secret stages seemingly just out of reach, so you’ve got to get good at these ricochet moves pretty early.

But sometimes you need the switch flicked all the way up, so holding the bonk button hold down the Bonk button. If you’re in midair, Bonk will spin. Spinning in turbo mode makes him spin a lot faster and, with enough inertia, can go farther. But you have to be careful here, because this spin isn’t like, say, Sonic’s. You’re really vulnerable to enemies, because only the head part of your sprite will hit them. With some bosses, there’s a solid method of quickly spinning around their weak points, but you’ll also be taking damage.

I think this level of finicky precision probably turned a lot of people off Bonk even during the TurboGrafx run. It just doesn’t feel as intuitive as a Mario or Sonic game. But I bet it turned off even more people later, when trying to emulate the game using other controllers.

Emulation

The TurboGrafx/PC Engine has been something you could emulate for a long time. Officially, you could buy TG-16 games on the Wii in 2007. Before that, I saw emulators on pc and in the browser running pretty well. Getting the games to play didn’t seem to be the hard part; it was getting the controls to feel right.

On the Wii, if you played Bonk, there were two buttons that acted normally, and two buttons that acted as if the switch was flicked all the way up. This was okay, but it neglected the middle switch option. It seems like, if you want to buy a good TG-16 controller these days, this four-button scheme seems to be the norm. It’s never felt totally right for me.

With this play-through of Bonk’s Revenge, I created a control scheme in Retroarch that works like this: I had the jump button and bonk button set to the A and B buttons on my 3DS. The Y button became the “turbo” button, and I would hold down the bonk and turbo buttons at the same time in order to spin continuously. This felt natural enough, but even here I found a limitation: the “rapid fire” setting in Retroarch only gave me the “middle switch” amount of rapid fire for a TG-16 controller. I could never actually reach full spin speed with the bonk button.

It was enough to beat the game because Bonk is not a hard game, but I couldn’t 100% it because of this. I don’t think it would fly with other TG-16 games that require the switch flicked all the way up. For that, I’d probably invest in the 8-bit do controller.

Difficulty

The game asks you if you want easy, medium, or hard. The difficulty isn’t communicated by number of enemies or how much damage Bonk can take, but by how many levels you want to play. I like this approach. Maybe you’ve only got half an hour and want to see a game to completion. Bonk’s got you. Maybe you only want to play through the fun easy first few levels that are absolutely stuffed with 1-ups and heart pieces, smiley faces, and mini games.

At first you don’t see the point to all these mini games. Why am I collecting these little smiley faces everywhere? But you get it after you defeat the first boss. Bonk rides a little elevator, and it goes higher based on the number of smiley faces you collect. Every 10 smileys gets you one level higher, and you ride a cute little train full of cheerleading animals that refill your hearts or give you 1-ups.

Collect 50 smiley faces, and the princess warps you past a whole world.

I like this approach. The easier levels at the beginning are so full of opportunities to collect 1-ups and extra heart pieces (you begin with three and collect up to eight, and you keep them after death, like Zelda) to equip you for getting through the tougher levels later.

A great player could probably skip all the mini-games in the first few worlds and breeze through the end-game, especially if they’re good at switch management.

Fun

The word “Bonk” is so fun to say that someone made a social network[2] where it’s the only word available.

Bonk’s Revenge is a fun action platformer. There’s enough going on in each world that you feel you’re getting a lot out of it, and its short runtime means there’s no filler. The game never runs out of ideas and rarely repeats sections. I wish it was better known.

More screenshots: https://parosilience.tumblr.com/tagged/Bonk%27s%20Revenge


[1] In Bonk’s Adventure, the princess has been brainwashed into being one of the bosses and requires rescue. In Bonk’s Revenge, she assists you in the same and gives you a smooch at the end, but doesn’t seem to be in much peril herself.

[2] bonkbonkbonk.app

Thoughts on iPhone 15 Pro Max

General thoughts

  • I took my sweet time upgrading. Jason Snell’s yearly reviews feature an invaluable section: what do you get if you’re coming from an older phone than just one year. His list goes back now to the 11, the phone that came out one year after my XR, which came out in 2018.
  • Coming from the XR, the 15 Pro Max doesn’t feel much larger. I’m just getting much more screen in the same width. In retrospect, the XR’s display margins were huge.
  • You maybe don’t notice year-over-year speed increases, but a 2023 phone is much faster than a 2018 phone. I no longer have to wait for the keyboard to load for five seconds before typing.
  • I’m using the battery setting that only charges the phone to 80%. I’m hoping it’ll make the battery have a longer life, but the tradeoff is that day-to-day battery life feels more like a brand new old phone, not a brand new new phone.
  • Some of that has to be habit. I’m still so used to plugging in my phone at all opportunities, and I have to relearn that I don’t have to do that. It opens up a habit question. If you don’t have to charge your phone all the time, where does it go?
  • The answer of course is, in my pocket.
  • Though, a pocket still feels like an odd place to put a computer with a display that no longer has to turn off.
  • This is the nicest screen I own.
  • Why can’t I use Apple Pencil with this, again?
  • I love the Action Button. It’s so odd for Apple of all companie to curse us with choice. What do you do with this button? The obvious thing seems to be to use it as a camera launcher. But the iPhone already has a camera button on its lock screen. I’ve chosen, as of this writing, to open the app that has for years lived in the lower-left corner of my dock: Drafts.
  • I will likely fiddle with the Action Button’s operation for years to come, just like how I often fiddle with my home screen.
  • It’s nice to have the same cord charge my iPhone and iPad.

Camera Thoughts

  • The camera is a lot better than my old XR.
  • No, it isn’t as good as the Canon M50 Mark II. So if that’s the case, it’s likely not as good as any relatively modern full-frame camera, either.
  • What I mean by that is that, to my eyes, my Canon camera takes a more realistic picture, even when zoomed in. Light, colour, etc.
  • Still. The best camera is the one you have with you. It’s always been why phones win as cameras. And these photos are good. They just have a noticeably-different view of the world than the eyes I have.
  • iPhone 15 Pro Max takes a totally different kind of photo (what is a photo?), and sometimes it can take photos in the dark that it shouldn’t be able to. iPhone is the camera for bars.
A photo in a dimly-lit bar, with several drinks on a table.

Video Game Thoughts

  • It’s unbelievable that my most powerful gaming console is my phone now. Maybe that was always inevitable, but I didn’t think it would be 2023.
  • I was planning on buying Resident Evil 4 Remake for Steam sometime soon. Do I buy it for iPhone instead? I did not realize I was living a multi-console life, but here I am.
  • Apple Arcade remains the best deal in video games if you like cute little indie games that only take a few hours to beat. And I do.
  • iPhone is also home to a ton of unique style games that are either never-ending or enormous ( and one might say, predatory), like Genshin Impact, Final Fantasy Ever Crisis, and Pokémon Go. I hadn’t played Go in years because my XR’s dying battery, but I’ve been dipping my toe back in lately. It’s still the most unique game on the market, the one true walking simulator.

You Chose Poorly S04E04 – What About The iPod Shuffle???

⁠Mikey ⁠and ⁠Sawyer ⁠talk about CM Punk, Apple Watch Series 9, iPhone 15 Pro Max, Finewoven stuff, Playstation 5, and console-quality games on iPhone.

Show notes:

Manually Add books to a Kobo from a PC

Step 1: open your kobo so it’s on and you can see the home screen.

Step 2: plug a USB cable into the kobo and the computer. It should pop up a choice on the kobo. Tap “connect.”

It should now look like this:

Step 3: On the PC, open file explorer. On the left sidebar, you should see at least these options. If you see “KOBOeReader” click on it. If not, click on “This PC” and you might see it there. If not, it might not be connecting properly.

Step 4: After clicking on the Kobo, you should be able to paste any ebooks there. You don’t need to place them in a folder, but you can if you want. Just make sure you don’t place them inside these folders, as those are the software folders and shouldn’t be added to.

Once you’ve added the file, it should look something like this (the icon might be different):

Once you can see the file is in the kobo, you can disconnect it. Go down to the task manager on the bottom right of your pc. You should see a little icon that looks like a USB key.

Right-click on it and then click “Eject eReader”

Once you’ve done that, the Kobo should spend a second “importing content”. Once that’s done, you should be able to see and read any books you added from your computer.

You Chose Poorly S02E04 – Trash Cans and Recycling Bins

Mikey and Sawyer talk about tech keynotes, Windows, The Mac, wanting to be sold an iPad, and whether or not caring about these things is a good idea.

Links:

Back to Bookmarks

I’m definitely going through a thing. A few weeks ago I called it a season of reconfiguring, but as one season turns into another I may have to widen that scope a bit. So, fine, it might be a year of it.

Bookmarks! You know, for when you like a website and would like to see it again someday, but don’t want to remember every address for everything you like.

In the before time, browsers let you save bookmarks for quick access. At some point, they added folders for people who wanted to organize them a little better. At some point, Delicious bookmarks showed up and people liked it. You could save your bookmarks there and get at them from any computer. Then yahoo bought it and slowly ruined it until it got sold several times and eventually purchased and shut down by the guy from Pinboard, a site that started out as a clone of the original Delicious.

Somewhere along the line, browsers themselves let you sync your bookmarks so all you had to do was log in to chrome or Firefox or whatever and they’d all show up wherever you were.

But as time went on, the whole bookmarking thing became less prevalent than social media. Social media is basically bookmarks with live updates. It turns websites, services and people into a feed instead of a list of locations. Instead of saving a bookmark, you followed a feed, and this feed would mostly be made up of updates to sites you likely used to have bookmarked. Now, instead of going to a website, you just stayed on this feed.

This happened so gradually that we didn’t really notice what was happening. What used to be 100% in our control slowly became something we gave up.

Sometimes the feed would be in an RSS reader like google reader. Those kinds of places would give you a big number, indicating how much stuff you had left to read. That number went up over time. It gave some of us anxiety. Sometimes the feed was Twitter, but for most people the feed was and still is Facebook. Facebook is just a fancy RSS reader that lets you post to the feed from the site itself. Facebook doesn’t have an unread indicator. You have no idea if you’ve read it all, and this mostly just keeps people scrolling the feed.

Bookmarks are active. You have to save them. You have to click on them. You have to organize them. The feed is passive. It’s easy, and it’s much more addictive.

Over the last few years, the feed has transformed into a thing that will give you things you didn’t ask for, gives you what you want but out of order, and will restrict what you see unless the person you follow pays the feed provider to show it.

I’m frustrated and tired of the feed.

Maybe it’s this small wave of mid-aught nostalgia I’m feeling, but I’ve been looking back at bookmarks as a way to feel sane online again. The feed isn’t my friend. The feed doesn’t have my interests in mind. But the bookmark is and remains unbiased. You make a list and click on the links whenever you think to.

The missing part here is a workflow. How often does one click on a bookmark? How do I know when there’s new stuff? I don’t have a solution yet. I am looking around though. I’m gonna try some things. I’ll let you know.